Bored Stay-at-Home Parents

Fighting Boredom, Loneliness and Isolation at Home

Dec 12, 2007
Diane Laney Fitzpatrick

Bored Parent - flickr

When you quit your job, you gave up adult networking, conversation and stimulation. Can you beat the bored stay-at-home mom or dad blues?

Can your dream job be boring?

Of the 5.5 million stay-at-home parents in the United States, most of them say they want to be where they are, but many say they fight boredom, loneliness and a sense of isolation and disconnect from the world of working adults.

Being a stay-at-home parent – whether it’s a stay-at-home mom or stay-at-home dad – has its pitfalls, and one of them is remaining a smart, competent adult when your days are filled with cartoons, primary colors and easy readers.

If you’ve left your career to stay home with your children, take some steps to ward off boredom that can develop into depression and a dissatisfaction with what was your dream job: staying home with your children.

Schedule Regular Babysitting Times

If you’ve recently quit working and you previously had a babysitting arrangement, keep it or at least don’t cancel it altogether.

Just because you don’t have to go to work everyday doesn’t mean you won’t need to get out of the house without the kids.

Find a day care center that will agree to take your children once a week or so for a few hours. Or set up a babysitting trade with a friend or neighbor and take turns babysitting for each other. Use that time to shop, go to the salon, get together with friends and interact with other adults in some way.

Establish a Network With Other Parents

Getting together with other parents and children are good for both you and your kids. Playgroups can be as small, casual and infrequent or as large, organized and frequent as you want.

You can go beyond the simple playgroup and organize a parent-child book club or a support group that will put you together with other parents.

Get Involved

If you’re busy enough, you won’t have time to be bored. Volunteer at your child’s school, your church or in your community. Many organizations allow volunteers to take their young children along, or offer babysitting.

Stay Intellectually Stimulated

Keep reading good books, read the newspaper daily, get online and keep up-to-date with what’s going on, and turn the TV from cartoons to educational public television once in a while.

Stay connected with your coworkers and, so you can keep up-to-date with what’s going on in your field.

Consider Part-Time Work at Home

If you have a few spare hours a week, you may want to consider a work-at-home opportunity that will keep you in the house with your children. Look for a flexible job that fits your schedule and beware of work-at-home scams that promise big bucks. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Many stay-at-home moms find home party sales a rewarding work-at-home opportunity.

Take a Class

Taking a class is a great way to stay mentally sharp and connect with other adults.

“Whether you’re working on a masters’ degree or just learning a new hobby, taking a class is a great idea for a stay at home mom,” writes Kimberly Danger in “Intellectual Stimulation for Stay-at-Home Moms” on the mommysavers Web site.

Diane Laney Fitzpatrick, Photo by Tim Fitzpatrick

Diane Laney Fitzpatrick - Writer, editor, blogger and humorist

Comments

Sep 7, 2008 6:43 PM

Guest :

We are early retirees thrown away because we earned good salaries over the years and greedy corporations discarded us and sent our jobs over seas. We had Great kids for 19 years. Sent them to college and they gradually became distant, then hateful and eventually left for good. Very lonely now and tortured daily. Never even a call at Christmas. Its been four years. Only my wife & I to cling to. Part of the master plan was to have kids and grandkids and holidays together. Never will happen. Never deserved this. Lonely not Bored. Your lucky if you are only bored.

Jul 5, 2009 12:18 AM

Guest :

I am feeling very bored. Tried to get part time job and its diificult because of my age (40 above). I am very good at administrating jobs but they are looking for the young ones and full time. So disappointed!!

Jul 17, 2009 10:10 AM

Guest :

YOUNG 25...stay at home mom of two. Cleaned everything, organized everything, no friends anymore since we had kids, husband works OUT of state and only home 2 days every 2 weeks. MY KIDS AND ME are getting bored of the parks in the area. cant really afford to travel. what can i do to keep me busy or even US busy....

Aug 17, 2009 5:38 PM

Guest :

Committed career sucide and left corporate america and BIG money to be with our child. After 4 years of being at home I've lost my contacts and have a social circle of women that only care about working out, tennis games and shopping. I'm mentally dead and miss having co workers!

Sep 12, 2009 3:55 AM

Guest :

For moms who have no friends left, why? Did you commit one of the two sins of the new mom: (1) constantly cancelling on your friends, using your children as an excuse just because you didn't want to go out or (2) talking about your children and nothing else? It's a brutal truth, but I've accepted that to keep your friends, you need to NOT talk about your children. NOBODY wants to hear about your children. Period. Read the newspaper and talk about current news if you have nothing else to talk about.
And don't cancel on your friends. If you've committed to going somewhere, go. Even if you're tired. Even if you're convinced that the home will fall apart without you there to supervise because you're the centre of the universe. You won't regret going out with your friends and you might even enjoy it.
If you're feeling isolated and lonely and bored at home, how do you think your child is feeling (especially if they're not at school yet)? Your child doesn't have the option of reading a book or magazine or contemplating life or watching Oprah to pass the time. Children don't belong at home in the company of one sad, tired, bored, adult all day. They belong with other kids, and crave that, just as much as you crave adult company. Put the kids into day care for a day a week, or find a mom you can swap days with, and spend your day off trying to reconnect with other parts of your life and do something unrelated to your kids.
Early retirees: I don't know that it was right that you assumed your children would be around to meet your needs in your older years.
It was inevitable they would leave the nest and start their own families, just as you did.
Sometime children learn to prioritise their children at the cost of everyone else around them from their own parents. Is this something that you might have done? If so, can you be suprised when you get left out when the grandchildren arrive?
Love with your children is a one way street, and you should not give only because you expect to get back. If you are having the same problem with all your kids then I think you need to take a good look at yourself and think about whether you are a good grandparent - do you add to your children's stresses by demanding their time, or do you try to make their lives easier?

Sep 12, 2009 7:10 AM

Guest :

to the last guest, sorry about your layoffs...I hear you. But why are your kids distant? There has to be some reason...why don't you try to reconnect with them? I don't know your whole story I guess...

Nov 29, 2009 8:06 AM

Guest :

That 2nd to last comment was pretty freakin' judgemental. You are assuming you know about everyones lives and all about the failure of others. It's no surprise since you seem to think that childrens love is a one way street. Are you insane? It's a childs responsibility to live their own life. To find out who they are and be the best whatever they want to be. Successful, family all of it. But NEVER EVER to forget where you came from or who gave you life and everything you needed to live it. That's dispicable. I see it all too often. They don't agree, they don't bother. It's ridiculous. And as far as saying that people shouldn't only talk about their kids, it's inevitable that people who don't have kids and people who do may become a bit distant because of life changes. A person who doesn't have kids has NO idea and you the one with kids misses the life you once had. There's no rule that you have set aside your new life just to please someone else. Because despite life changes, marriage, family, whatever if your friends are REAL, they don't ever give up on you, nor you on them. My situation is I am a S.A.H.M stuck in the house b/c I just moved to a new area and don't really know anyone. My hubby & I are afraid to leave my daughter with a stranger so I don't have a babysitter. Also I am part of a moms group which is OK to say the least but haven't gone to a playgroup in over 2 mths for fear of sickness(I am prego and I'm fearful of swine flu or any flu for that matter)so I am literally isolated except trips to the store. Plus money is a factor so there is none for a daycare. So what's the all knowing all seeing answer to all my problems?

Mar 3, 2010 9:50 PM

Guest :

Im a stay at home dad. I have worked all my life until about 2 years ago when my wife got a better job than me. I don't know how people deal with being so alone 24-7. I have 4 kids that keep me on my toes but not many friends anymore. The ones I do have my wife hates so it causes so many problems the juice isn't worth the squeeze. Im at hom 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Im maybe able to leave the house for a little while but after about an hour my wife starts calling. I don't know how people do it. I love being home with the kids I get to see stuff I would have never gotton to but other than that it's like being in jail. Props to all sahd and sahm's out there your job seems like a dream job when your looking in but once your on the inside looking out it's totally different.

Mar 9, 2010 12:40 AM

Guest :

There are some pretty harsh judgements being thrown around in this thread all with some truth. Sadly, your childless friends dont want to hear all about your child; as you dont want to hear all about their Job. Being a parent is extremely isolating and although we are busy (omg we are SO busy) it IS boring,mundane yet essential that we keep the machine that is our family functioning. My children are 3 and 5 and i'm only JUST starting to feel like a funtioning person. My husband also works long hours. My youngest is in daycare one day a week and my eldest has just started full-time pre-primary. I have time away from my kids and i have time with them...but you can only go to so many parks or have so many coffee's with other mums.I go to the gym, meet up with other mums but none of them would i call in a crisis.
I have never found being a stay home mum rewarding. I feel comfortable that i am making the right choice....in the same way that when we are on a diet we know what we SHOULD do, it's still a challenge putting into practice. I take my hat off to all the mums that LOVE being a stay home mum, of more importantly that WISH they could be stay home mums, i wish i was one of you!!!!

Mar 14, 2010 4:30 PM

Guest :

Yeah, its been suprizingly difficult being a sahm. I love my child, but I also love to work. Some people just need that daily connection with the real world and I am one of those. Moved across the country for husbands job, working on my graduate degree and can't find ANY good daycare options in this town to keep child part time until I am done with degree. It is really difficult trying to mentally focus on difficult material while child needs my undivided attention. Lonely because I haven't really met that many people in new town. , BUT I have decided to embrace the situation as much as possible and just know that I really am lucky to be able to stay home with child. Taking it day by day because in the end even though I have an unmet need of social contact, child is growing up way to fast!!

Apr 3, 2010 10:57 AM

Guest :

AND- for the person who said it was the parents fault for losing their friends because of 'cardinal rule breaking', WHATEVER- try now i'm a parent and none of my friends have kids and are single. So, while they are out partying it up, i'm home reading books and giving baths. I can't and won't go partying like a child and forget my responsibilities to hold onto a friendship that is no longer working.

Apr 30, 2010 12:18 PM

Guest :

I have a 16 month old, a 29 month old and a 40 month old (1, 2 and 3 years old). I stay home every day and do the same dang thing over and over again. I have a college degree and left a pretty good job as a legal secretary (wasn't my dream job). It was never my dream to stay at home with my kids. The truth is that my entire paycheck would go to daycare, so i just quit working.
I recently realized that every is certainly made differently, and we are meant for different things. I will be returning to work the fall of 2011 as a teacher. That is my light at the end of the tunnel, and it is what keeps me sane. Being a stay-at-home mother is much harder than I ever thought it would be! I have so much respect for all those stay at home parents out there!
Good luck!

May 1, 2010 6:47 PM

Guest :

So, I'm not yet a stay at home mom but that is the temporary plan. Although I just graduated from college with a bachelor's degree I am pregnant and lost my job when I graduated, lol how weird is that. Not exactly what I had expected, although I am due very soon and excited about the new baby I will be moving across the country soon with my husband and newborn, he is joining the navy and we are moving to ct. I believe it is important to stay connected although I haven't done the best job of that - I have spent more time with family and friends that I missed out on when working full-time and going to school full-time. I'm not used to being out of work but I know God has his own plan and things have fallen into place since I lost my job so...I think this is a blessing in disguise:) Good luck everyone:)

Jun 3, 2010 11:59 AM

Guest :

first off these are good ideas, i personally have noticed that people my age that were friends before want nothing to do with kids, plus people get new idea, once you change your life sometimes you need new friends. if they do not want to hear about your kids, they are stupid. you need friends who do. your kids should be your first priority. If it is making you mental to stay home, you nor your kids need that. go back to work

Sep 3, 2010 12:43 PM

Guest :

I got married, went to college, and halfway through had a beautiful little girl. My husband and I worked hard to balance my school work, a new baby, and his job-which was pretty flexible. Then I graduated! what a load off, but my husband lost that flexible job and had to get a new one. The new one offered more money, but a tighter schedule. So I found myself at home all summer with my wonderful little girl. I admit, this had been hard, isolating, and down right boring. We don't have cable or a phone, the computer is my only outlet. We see our friends, but we were the first couple in our social circle to have kids, so its extremely hard for any of them to relate. But they are toloerant. Every so often we have people over to the house and they visit with us and our child. Finding a sitter, is just so frustrating. There aren't many people we can trust to leave our kid with on a saturday night, and those few people out there would rather be doing anything else than watching our kid on the weekend. So i feel ya stay at home mothers! Staying sociable in a world that doesn't always understand you is hard. Finding sitters that are reliable on the nights you need them is hard...not to mention expensive-especially on weekends, and staying in touch is hard, especially when luxuries like TV and phone service are still just not in the budget at this time. Things will get better, but better is still a few months off. And surviving this downtime until we can afford more consistant childcare and home entertainment will be hard. I wanted to let other single moms know that I understand what you are going through now, and its not pretty. In fact, its just plain boring.

Dec 2, 2010 8:34 PM

Guest :

I was having a decent job - but was constantly pushed around by a husband who had more hype and ideas than he was able to execute. Ultimately, he started a venture which I had to close when I found more money flow out than in - and in the bargain lost any hope of finding a new job. Now thanks to my putting my foot down, he has a job in another city - which till now he has been able to keep - and I am a stay at home with 2 teen boys. Years of my life seem to have drifted by - I made more mistakes believing others than myself - and here I am a sahm with very, very smart kids, but totally bored and feel as if my brains are being wasted

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