When your life revolves around bottles, diapers and Dora, it’s hard to imagine a day when your children will all move out, leaving you alone with your spouse.
But it does happen.
Just when you feel you've perfected parenting for all stages of childhood, from infancy through the teen years, you’ll find yourself without an audience.
How you handle your empty nest, once you become a parent of grown children, will depend on how well you prepared yourself and your children for that day, says Lana M. Ackaway, a clinical social worker and certified psychoanalyst in New York.
“It’s very normal to miss and grieve,” Ackaway said in an email interview April 14. “Short grief, not ongoing (grief) that impedes independent functioning.”
For stay-at-home parents, empty nest syndrome can be particularly stressful. If your life has centered around your children, you may feel as if your job is effectively over.
Ackaway suggests some practical ways to keep empty nest syndrome from developing into a more serious problem:
- Remember this is an emotional time for your child, too.
“The teen or young adult needs to foster their independence and autonomy and go about their lives,” Ackaway said.
From a young age, encourage your children to be independent and do things on their own, spend time with friends, spend time away from home and you. Set a good example by showing your child that you, too, have parts of your life that are just for you.
When your children leave the nest and you find yourself struggling to cope, try to think in terms of getting over it quickly, so you can help your child succeed in this new phase of his or her life.
- Add to your list of responsibilities: Have a life.
Ackaway says parents have a responsibility to their children to take care of themselves, stay in communication with spouses, friends and family, spend some time alone, and stick to their own independent agenda, plans and dreams.
In doing so, you’ll better cope with your empty nest, and set a good example for your child.
- Sometimes it’s more serious than a “syndrome.”
If there have been other, serious losses and setbacks in your life, dealing with empty nest syndrome can be more than a minor change, Ackaway says.
Consider seeking professional therapy if you start to see early warning signs of despondency or interference with daily living - ongoing depression, poor concentration, weeping, lack of sleep or hiding in sleep, loss of appetite, excessive eating, drinking, shopping, or other obsessive behaviors.
Ackaway suggests seeing a trained therapist for an emotional "checkup” if you feel unable to be alone or are in a lengthy state of despair, confusion or self-doubt.
- Use whatever coping mechanisms have worked for you in the past, and try some new ones.
Talking things over with friends, especially ones who are going through or have gone through the same issues, having more heart-to-hearts with your spouse, developing your own spirituality, yoga, exercise, crafts or handiwork and sports can all be therapeutic.
For related articles, see:
- Choosing a College for Your Child
- Stay-at-Home Parent Survival Guide
- Depression and Stay-at-Home Moms
- Overcoming Guilt
Join the Conversation